Mikki Gillette
Intimate Matters
CHARACTERS
JENNA – 25, a trans woman; she’s attractive and confident, with a wry sense of humor, and
a weariness born from some hard experiences
NIALL – 25, a cis man; open, guileless and easily embarrassed, he’s prone to making faux
pas, and attempting to smooth them over
SETTING
A restaurant in a U.S. city. The romantic ambiance at time clashes with the tone of the pair’s talk.
TIME
Present day.
PUNCTUATION NOTES
A stroke (/) marks the point of interruption in overlapping dialogue.
A dash (-) marks the halting of a thought.
A Restaurant. NIALL and JENNA sit at a table.
NIALL
I enjoyed meeting you at the party. Thanks for coming
out tonight.
JENNA
Of course. I’m glad / you asked
NIALL
Oh, when I said “coming out,” I didn’t mean, like,
because you’re transgender. I / just meant here
JENNA
Right.
NIALL
Sorry . . . I don’t mean to be weird about, you know
. . . I think it’s great, personally.
JENNA
Um, thanks? . . . Have you eaten here before? The
menu looks good.
NIALL
Yes . . . I hope that wasn’t awkward just now, when
I said I / think it’s great
JENNA
(becoming annoyed)
It was . . . fine.
NIALL
Oh, good.
JENNA
How do you Vince and Aubrey?
NIALL
Aubrey and I went to school together. How about you?
JENNA
I met Vince through work. I was glad he invited me.
They’re good party hosts.
NIALL
Definitely. When Aubrey invites me, I’m there . . .
So, J.K. Rowling – what the fuck, huh?
JENNA
I’m sorry?
NIALL
You know, with the / anti-trans stuff
JENNA
Are you bringing up J.K. Rowling because I’m trans
and it’s the first thing you think of when, like, you
look at me, or something?
NIALL
Oh, I mean, um . . . maybe. That’s bad, isn’t it?
JENNA
It’s kind of weird. I guess it’s good that you didn’t ask
me about surgeries before our appetizers came, though.
NIALL
Haha, right. Totally.
JENNA
You weren’t just about to ask me about surgeries, /
were you
NIALL
No . . . I mean, um – honestly, yes, I / was
JENNA
Wow.
NIALL
I was sort of . . . working my way toward – I
should just stop / talking
JENNA
Jesus . . . Vince mentioned / you were kind of awkward
NIALL
In my defense, you and I are on a date, so . . .
JENNA
So . . . what, exactly? You thought, “Why not / bring up
NIALL
No. I, you know, thought we might . . . at some point,
maybe, become “intimate,” and . . .
JENNA
You didn’t think I would have shared . . . some things,
before that happened?
NIALL
(embarrassed, flustered)
Oh, was I supposed to wait?
JENNA
I don’t know. There’s not, like, an authoritative
etiquette guide on the matter. I think you’re always
on safe ground not asking people about their / genitals
NIALL
Right, sorry . . . We are on a date, though . . .
JENNA
Yes, I believe you / mentioned that
NIALL
Right.
(Pause.)
JENNA
I feel like you’re just sitting there obsessing on my
groin now.
NIALL
I don’t mean / to, it’s
JENNA
What if I spent our whole dinner speculating
indirectly about the size of your penis?
NIALL
Oh . . . I guess I’d feel a little self-conscious.
JENNA
I’m not / surprised
NIALL
Did you want to know the size of / my penis
JENNA
No! It was a hypothetical / question
NIALL
Right. Sorry.
JENNA
It would be nice to just get to know you a little as
people before, you know, discussing “those things.”
NIALL
Oh, okay.
JENNA
What were you like in high school, for instance?
NIALL
Me? I was kind of quiet.
JENNA
Aww. Were you a daydreamer?
NIALL
(suddenly)
Were you a boy in high school? Oh my / gosh
JENNA
What?!
NIALL
Sorry. It just occurred to / me that
Jenna gathers her things, upset.
JENNA
I can’t do this.
NIALL
No, wait. Please. I promise I wasn’t trying to
upset you.
JENNA
You asked what gender I was in high school, but
you “weren’t trying to / upset me”
NIALL
No, I wasn’t . . . I was just curious, I swear.
JENNA
Okay . . . but it did upset me, do you understand
that?
NIALL
Oh. I’m sorry. Do you want to say / why it
JENNA
I’m a woman. I don’t want to be asked about when
I was forced to act like / I was a boy
NIALL
That makes sense. Sorry . . . will you stay? On our
date, I mean?
JENNA
(sighs, wary)
I guess.
NIALL
Thanks . . . in high school I was mainly quiet
because my mom died and when I tried to talk
about it, people got annoyed.
JENNA
Oh, I’m sorry. That sounds hard.
NIALL
Thanks. I saw a counselor, which helped, and by
college things were better.
JENNA
That’s good. I like counseling.
NIALL
Oh, did you see a counselor – oops.
(Niall covers his mouth spontaneously. Jenna appears confused and stunned, then laughs.)
NIALL
Sorry about that. I, um . . . never mind.
JENNA
You were going to ask if / I saw a
NIALL
I stopped myself, though. I realized / it might
JENNA
I feel like an asshole now.
NIALL
No. You shouldn’t.
JENNA
I’m some first date fascist, who’s taught you to
censor / yourself
NIALL
No, it’s good. I don’t want to be rude / to you
JENNA
I did see a counselor in order to get a letter for my
hormones.
NIALL
Right . . . I thought that might have been the case.
You didn’t need to say that if you didn’t / want to, though
JENNA
Fuck. This is the most awkward evening, isn’t it?
NIALL
No . . . it’s, um, we’re getting to know each / other
JENNA
Besides the topic I’ve said I don’t really want to
talk about, are there other questions / you had
NIALL
No . . . I was wondering when you thought you might
be open to / sharing about
JENNA
Seriously?
NIALL
Just because, you know, it seems like we’re getting
along so far, so . . .
JENNA
Your optimism is bordering on the delusional.
NIALL
Huh? . . . I mean, I shared about my mom, / and
JENNA
Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.
NIALL
It’s okay.
JENNA
(with difficulty)
I transitioned in freshman year, and even though
I was a girl for almost all of high school, no guy would
date me, because they were afraid it would “make
them gay.”
NIALL
Oh, sorry. That’s awful.
JENNA
Why would a guy liking a girl be “gay,” you know?
NIALL
It isn’t. They were just stupid.
JENNA
(upset)
And it’s not “stupid” that you’re fixated on the
status of my genitals now?
NIALL
Oh, um . . . it’s a little different, I think?
JENNA
In what way?
NIALL
Well, I agree that you’re a woman, and I don’t
think my being here, regardless of, you know . . .
whatever equipment – no, that’s dumb, um, / . . .
JENNA
You don’t think dating me makes you gay.
NIALL
Right. Exactly . . . Having said that, though, I –
and this is probably a fault of my own – can’t really
imagine, you know, any kind of . . . sexual activity I could
pleasurably take part in / that would involve
JENNA
That is so basic, Niall.
NIALL
It’s true, though!
JENNA
I hate when guys say that.
NIALL
I like intercourse . . . between my penis and a
vagina, I mean.
JENNA
You should speak up. I don’t think they heard you
in the kitchen.
NIALL
(embarrassed, softer)
Oh, right. It is how I feel, though.
JENNA
Have you even tried anal? On a woman, I mean?
It’s similar.
NIALL
It’s . . . messy.
JENNA
Really? . . . Okay, there’s oral sex. There’s you
getting pegged while she wears a / strap on
NIALL
Jenna.
JENNA
Alright, it sounds like you don’t want to / do that
NIALL
I don’t think having . . . a boundary around something
like that is – that’s okay, isn’t it?
JENNA
It’s hurtful. A lot of trans women will never be able
to afford surgery.
NIALL
I understand that.
JENNA
And you don’t care? You’re just / like, “I only want
NIALL
I do care. I’ve donated to people’s GoFundMes. I
think insurance should / cover
JENNA
So you asked me out just to roll the dice, and see /
what I might have down there
NIALL
No . . . I enjoyed meeting you, and thought you were
attractive.
JENNA
But if I did have a / penis
NIALL
Arrgh . . . can’t you just tell me?
JENNA
Oh my god.
NIALL
Sorry. I / shouldn’t have said
JENNA
I had my surgery, Niall. Are you happy?
NIALL
Um, I mean . . . sort of, or – I meant, I’m happy for
you, because I’m / sure you
JENNA
Yes, I can tell my potential dysphoria was on the
top of / your mind
NIALL
Do you hate / me
JENNA
No . . . your social ineptitude is kind of / charming
NIALL
Really? You don’t think I’m unbearably dumb?
JENNA
No.
NIALL
Oh, wow. I thought from the moment I brought up
J.K. Rowling, you’d been looking at me with contempt.
JENNA
Nope . . . good to know that’s the vibe I give off,
though, / I guess
NIALL
Wow, so you’re enjoying our date? Oops, that sounded
really / desperate
JENNA
That was a shockingly direct / question
NIALL
Right. Sorry. Maybe we should look at / our menus
JENNA
I’ve had worse . . . dates, I mean.
NIALL
Really? Oh, so . . . that’s good / then, right
JENNA
I still think your “preferences” indicate a lack of
imagination, on your part.
NIALL
Oh, um . . .
JENNA
I guess as a cis male, that’s not your / fault, though
NIALL
Maybe you . . . could try the “pegging” thing you
mentioned – I mean, if / you want
JENNA
Oh, wow.
NIALL
I just thought that, since / you brought it up
JENNA
Right. Let’s see where the evening takes us.
Both lift their menus, smiling.
JENNA – 25, a trans woman; she’s attractive and confident, with a wry sense of humor, and
a weariness born from some hard experiences
NIALL – 25, a cis man; open, guileless and easily embarrassed, he’s prone to making faux
pas, and attempting to smooth them over
SETTING
A restaurant in a U.S. city. The romantic ambiance at time clashes with the tone of the pair’s talk.
TIME
Present day.
PUNCTUATION NOTES
A stroke (/) marks the point of interruption in overlapping dialogue.
A dash (-) marks the halting of a thought.
A Restaurant. NIALL and JENNA sit at a table.
NIALL
I enjoyed meeting you at the party. Thanks for coming
out tonight.
JENNA
Of course. I’m glad / you asked
NIALL
Oh, when I said “coming out,” I didn’t mean, like,
because you’re transgender. I / just meant here
JENNA
Right.
NIALL
Sorry . . . I don’t mean to be weird about, you know
. . . I think it’s great, personally.
JENNA
Um, thanks? . . . Have you eaten here before? The
menu looks good.
NIALL
Yes . . . I hope that wasn’t awkward just now, when
I said I / think it’s great
JENNA
(becoming annoyed)
It was . . . fine.
NIALL
Oh, good.
JENNA
How do you Vince and Aubrey?
NIALL
Aubrey and I went to school together. How about you?
JENNA
I met Vince through work. I was glad he invited me.
They’re good party hosts.
NIALL
Definitely. When Aubrey invites me, I’m there . . .
So, J.K. Rowling – what the fuck, huh?
JENNA
I’m sorry?
NIALL
You know, with the / anti-trans stuff
JENNA
Are you bringing up J.K. Rowling because I’m trans
and it’s the first thing you think of when, like, you
look at me, or something?
NIALL
Oh, I mean, um . . . maybe. That’s bad, isn’t it?
JENNA
It’s kind of weird. I guess it’s good that you didn’t ask
me about surgeries before our appetizers came, though.
NIALL
Haha, right. Totally.
JENNA
You weren’t just about to ask me about surgeries, /
were you
NIALL
No . . . I mean, um – honestly, yes, I / was
JENNA
Wow.
NIALL
I was sort of . . . working my way toward – I
should just stop / talking
JENNA
Jesus . . . Vince mentioned / you were kind of awkward
NIALL
In my defense, you and I are on a date, so . . .
JENNA
So . . . what, exactly? You thought, “Why not / bring up
NIALL
No. I, you know, thought we might . . . at some point,
maybe, become “intimate,” and . . .
JENNA
You didn’t think I would have shared . . . some things,
before that happened?
NIALL
(embarrassed, flustered)
Oh, was I supposed to wait?
JENNA
I don’t know. There’s not, like, an authoritative
etiquette guide on the matter. I think you’re always
on safe ground not asking people about their / genitals
NIALL
Right, sorry . . . We are on a date, though . . .
JENNA
Yes, I believe you / mentioned that
NIALL
Right.
(Pause.)
JENNA
I feel like you’re just sitting there obsessing on my
groin now.
NIALL
I don’t mean / to, it’s
JENNA
What if I spent our whole dinner speculating
indirectly about the size of your penis?
NIALL
Oh . . . I guess I’d feel a little self-conscious.
JENNA
I’m not / surprised
NIALL
Did you want to know the size of / my penis
JENNA
No! It was a hypothetical / question
NIALL
Right. Sorry.
JENNA
It would be nice to just get to know you a little as
people before, you know, discussing “those things.”
NIALL
Oh, okay.
JENNA
What were you like in high school, for instance?
NIALL
Me? I was kind of quiet.
JENNA
Aww. Were you a daydreamer?
NIALL
(suddenly)
Were you a boy in high school? Oh my / gosh
JENNA
What?!
NIALL
Sorry. It just occurred to / me that
Jenna gathers her things, upset.
JENNA
I can’t do this.
NIALL
No, wait. Please. I promise I wasn’t trying to
upset you.
JENNA
You asked what gender I was in high school, but
you “weren’t trying to / upset me”
NIALL
No, I wasn’t . . . I was just curious, I swear.
JENNA
Okay . . . but it did upset me, do you understand
that?
NIALL
Oh. I’m sorry. Do you want to say / why it
JENNA
I’m a woman. I don’t want to be asked about when
I was forced to act like / I was a boy
NIALL
That makes sense. Sorry . . . will you stay? On our
date, I mean?
JENNA
(sighs, wary)
I guess.
NIALL
Thanks . . . in high school I was mainly quiet
because my mom died and when I tried to talk
about it, people got annoyed.
JENNA
Oh, I’m sorry. That sounds hard.
NIALL
Thanks. I saw a counselor, which helped, and by
college things were better.
JENNA
That’s good. I like counseling.
NIALL
Oh, did you see a counselor – oops.
(Niall covers his mouth spontaneously. Jenna appears confused and stunned, then laughs.)
NIALL
Sorry about that. I, um . . . never mind.
JENNA
You were going to ask if / I saw a
NIALL
I stopped myself, though. I realized / it might
JENNA
I feel like an asshole now.
NIALL
No. You shouldn’t.
JENNA
I’m some first date fascist, who’s taught you to
censor / yourself
NIALL
No, it’s good. I don’t want to be rude / to you
JENNA
I did see a counselor in order to get a letter for my
hormones.
NIALL
Right . . . I thought that might have been the case.
You didn’t need to say that if you didn’t / want to, though
JENNA
Fuck. This is the most awkward evening, isn’t it?
NIALL
No . . . it’s, um, we’re getting to know each / other
JENNA
Besides the topic I’ve said I don’t really want to
talk about, are there other questions / you had
NIALL
No . . . I was wondering when you thought you might
be open to / sharing about
JENNA
Seriously?
NIALL
Just because, you know, it seems like we’re getting
along so far, so . . .
JENNA
Your optimism is bordering on the delusional.
NIALL
Huh? . . . I mean, I shared about my mom, / and
JENNA
Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.
NIALL
It’s okay.
JENNA
(with difficulty)
I transitioned in freshman year, and even though
I was a girl for almost all of high school, no guy would
date me, because they were afraid it would “make
them gay.”
NIALL
Oh, sorry. That’s awful.
JENNA
Why would a guy liking a girl be “gay,” you know?
NIALL
It isn’t. They were just stupid.
JENNA
(upset)
And it’s not “stupid” that you’re fixated on the
status of my genitals now?
NIALL
Oh, um . . . it’s a little different, I think?
JENNA
In what way?
NIALL
Well, I agree that you’re a woman, and I don’t
think my being here, regardless of, you know . . .
whatever equipment – no, that’s dumb, um, / . . .
JENNA
You don’t think dating me makes you gay.
NIALL
Right. Exactly . . . Having said that, though, I –
and this is probably a fault of my own – can’t really
imagine, you know, any kind of . . . sexual activity I could
pleasurably take part in / that would involve
JENNA
That is so basic, Niall.
NIALL
It’s true, though!
JENNA
I hate when guys say that.
NIALL
I like intercourse . . . between my penis and a
vagina, I mean.
JENNA
You should speak up. I don’t think they heard you
in the kitchen.
NIALL
(embarrassed, softer)
Oh, right. It is how I feel, though.
JENNA
Have you even tried anal? On a woman, I mean?
It’s similar.
NIALL
It’s . . . messy.
JENNA
Really? . . . Okay, there’s oral sex. There’s you
getting pegged while she wears a / strap on
NIALL
Jenna.
JENNA
Alright, it sounds like you don’t want to / do that
NIALL
I don’t think having . . . a boundary around something
like that is – that’s okay, isn’t it?
JENNA
It’s hurtful. A lot of trans women will never be able
to afford surgery.
NIALL
I understand that.
JENNA
And you don’t care? You’re just / like, “I only want
NIALL
I do care. I’ve donated to people’s GoFundMes. I
think insurance should / cover
JENNA
So you asked me out just to roll the dice, and see /
what I might have down there
NIALL
No . . . I enjoyed meeting you, and thought you were
attractive.
JENNA
But if I did have a / penis
NIALL
Arrgh . . . can’t you just tell me?
JENNA
Oh my god.
NIALL
Sorry. I / shouldn’t have said
JENNA
I had my surgery, Niall. Are you happy?
NIALL
Um, I mean . . . sort of, or – I meant, I’m happy for
you, because I’m / sure you
JENNA
Yes, I can tell my potential dysphoria was on the
top of / your mind
NIALL
Do you hate / me
JENNA
No . . . your social ineptitude is kind of / charming
NIALL
Really? You don’t think I’m unbearably dumb?
JENNA
No.
NIALL
Oh, wow. I thought from the moment I brought up
J.K. Rowling, you’d been looking at me with contempt.
JENNA
Nope . . . good to know that’s the vibe I give off,
though, / I guess
NIALL
Wow, so you’re enjoying our date? Oops, that sounded
really / desperate
JENNA
That was a shockingly direct / question
NIALL
Right. Sorry. Maybe we should look at / our menus
JENNA
I’ve had worse . . . dates, I mean.
NIALL
Really? Oh, so . . . that’s good / then, right
JENNA
I still think your “preferences” indicate a lack of
imagination, on your part.
NIALL
Oh, um . . .
JENNA
I guess as a cis male, that’s not your / fault, though
NIALL
Maybe you . . . could try the “pegging” thing you
mentioned – I mean, if / you want
JENNA
Oh, wow.
NIALL
I just thought that, since / you brought it up
JENNA
Right. Let’s see where the evening takes us.
Both lift their menus, smiling.
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