Mikki Gillette
Intimate Matters

CHARACTERS
JENNA – 25, a trans woman; she’s attractive and confident, with a wry sense of humor, and
a weariness born from some hard experiences
NIALL – 25, a cis man; open, guileless and easily embarrassed, he’s prone to making faux
pas, and attempting to smooth them over
 
SETTING
A restaurant in a U.S. city. The romantic ambiance at time clashes with the tone of the pair’s talk.
 
TIME
Present day.
 
PUNCTUATION NOTES
A stroke (/) marks the point of interruption in overlapping dialogue.
A dash (-) marks the halting of a thought.
 
 
 A Restaurant. NIALL and JENNA sit at a table.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    I enjoyed meeting you at the party. Thanks for coming
                                    out tonight.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Of course. I’m glad / you asked
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Oh, when I said “coming out,” I didn’t mean, like,
                                    because you’re transgender. I / just meant here
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Right.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Sorry . . . I don’t mean to be weird about, you know
                                    . . . I think it’s great, personally.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Um, thanks? . . . Have you eaten here before? The
                                    menu looks good.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Yes . . . I hope that wasn’t awkward just now, when
                                    I said I / think it’s great
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                                          (becoming annoyed)
                                    It was . . . fine.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Oh, good.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    How do you Vince and Aubrey?
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Aubrey and I went to school together. How about you?
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    I met Vince through work. I was glad he invited me.
                                    They’re good party hosts.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Definitely. When Aubrey invites me, I’m there . . .
                                    So, J.K. Rowling – what the fuck, huh?
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    I’m sorry?
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    You know, with the / anti-trans stuff
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Are you bringing up J.K. Rowling because I’m trans
                                    and it’s the first thing you think of when, like, you
                                    look at me, or something?
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Oh, I mean, um . . . maybe. That’s bad, isn’t it?
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    It’s kind of weird. I guess it’s good that you didn’t ask
                                    me about surgeries before our appetizers came, though.
 
                                                                         NIALL
                                    Haha, right. Totally.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    You weren’t just about to ask me about surgeries, /
                                    were you
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    No . . . I mean, um – honestly, yes, I / was
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Wow.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    I was sort of . . . working my way toward – I
                                    should just stop / talking
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Jesus . . . Vince mentioned / you were kind of awkward
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    In my defense, you and I are on a date, so . . .
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    So . . . what, exactly? You thought, “Why not / bring up
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    No. I, you know, thought we might . . . at some point,
                                    maybe, become “intimate,” and . . .
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    You didn’t think I would have shared . . . some things,
                                    before that happened?
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                                       (embarrassed, flustered)
                                    Oh, was I supposed to wait?
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    I don’t know. There’s not, like, an authoritative
                                    etiquette guide on the matter. I think you’re always
                                    on safe ground not asking people about their / genitals
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Right, sorry . . . We are on a date, though . . .
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Yes, I believe you / mentioned that
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Right.
 
                                                                       (Pause.)
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    I feel like you’re just sitting there obsessing on my
                                    groin now.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    I don’t mean / to, it’s
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    What if I spent our whole dinner speculating
                                    indirectly about the size of your penis?
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Oh . . . I guess I’d feel a little self-conscious.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    I’m not / surprised
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Did you want to know the size of / my penis
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    No! It was a hypothetical / question
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Right. Sorry.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    It would be nice to just get to know you a little as
                                    people before, you know, discussing “those things.”
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Oh, okay.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    What were you like in high school, for instance?
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Me? I was kind of quiet.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Aww. Were you a daydreamer?
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                                                   (suddenly)
                                    Were you a boy in high school? Oh my / gosh
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    What?!
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Sorry. It just occurred to / me that
 
                                    Jenna gathers her things, upset.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    I can’t do this.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    No, wait. Please. I promise I wasn’t trying to
                                    upset you.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    You asked what gender I was in high school, but
                                    you “weren’t trying to / upset me”
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    No, I wasn’t . . . I was just curious, I swear.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Okay . . . but it did upset me, do you understand
                                    that?
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Oh. I’m sorry. Do you want to say / why it
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    I’m a woman. I don’t want to be asked about when
                                    I was forced to act like / I was a boy
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    That makes sense. Sorry . . . will you stay? On our
                                    date, I mean?
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                                                   (sighs, wary)
                                    I guess.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Thanks . . . in high school I was mainly quiet
                                    because my mom died and when I tried to talk
                                    about it, people got annoyed.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Oh, I’m sorry. That sounds hard.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Thanks. I saw a counselor, which helped, and by
                                    college things were better.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    That’s good. I like counseling.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Oh, did you see a counselor – oops.
 
        (Niall covers his mouth spontaneously. Jenna appears confused and stunned, then laughs.)
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Sorry about that. I, um . . . never mind.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    You were going to ask if / I saw a
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    I stopped myself, though. I realized / it might
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    I feel like an asshole now.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    No. You shouldn’t.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    I’m some first date fascist, who’s taught you to
                                    censor / yourself
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    No, it’s good. I don’t want to be rude / to you
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    I did see a counselor in order to get a letter for my
                                    hormones.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Right . . . I thought that might have been the case.
                                    You didn’t need to say that if you didn’t / want to, though
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Fuck. This is the most awkward evening, isn’t it?
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    No . . . it’s, um, we’re getting to know each / other
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Besides the topic I’ve said I don’t really want to
                                    talk about, are there other questions / you had
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    No . . . I was wondering when you thought you might
                                    be open to / sharing about
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Seriously?
           
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Just because, you know, it seems like we’re getting
                                    along so far, so . . .
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Your optimism is bordering on the delusional.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Huh? . . . I mean, I shared about my mom, / and
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    It’s okay.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                                                (with difficulty)
                                    I transitioned in freshman year, and even though
                                    I was a girl for almost all of high school, no guy would
                                    date me, because they were afraid it would “make
                                    them gay.”
 
                                                                         NIALL
                                    Oh, sorry. That’s awful.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Why would a guy liking a girl be “gay,” you know?
 
                                                                         NIALL
                                     It isn’t. They were just stupid.
 
                                                                       JENNA
                                                                       (upset)
                                    And it’s not “stupid” that you’re fixated on the
                                    status of my genitals now?
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Oh, um . . . it’s a little different, I think?
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    In what way?
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Well, I agree that you’re a woman, and I don’t
                                    think my being here, regardless of, you know . . .
                                    whatever equipment – no, that’s dumb, um, / . . .
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    You don’t think dating me makes you gay.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Right. Exactly . . . Having said that, though, I –
                                    and this is probably a fault of my own – can’t really
                                    imagine, you know, any kind of . . . sexual activity I could
                                    pleasurably take part in / that would involve
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    That is so basic, Niall.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    It’s true, though!
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    I hate when guys say that.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    I like intercourse . . . between my penis and a
                                    vagina, I mean.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    You should speak up. I don’t think they heard you
                                    in the kitchen.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                                         (embarrassed, softer)
                                    Oh, right. It is how I feel, though.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Have you even tried anal? On a woman, I mean?
                                    It’s similar.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    It’s . . . messy.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Really? . . . Okay, there’s oral sex. There’s you
                                    getting pegged while she wears a / strap on
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Jenna.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Alright, it sounds like you don’t want to / do that
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    I don’t think having . . . a boundary around something
                                    like that is – that’s okay, isn’t it?
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    It’s hurtful. A lot of trans women will never be able
                                    to afford surgery.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    I understand that.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    And you don’t care? You’re just / like, “I only want
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    I do care. I’ve donated to people’s GoFundMes. I
                                    think insurance should / cover
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    So you asked me out just to roll the dice, and see /
                                    what I might have down there
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    No . . . I enjoyed meeting you, and thought you were
                                    attractive.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    But if I did have a / penis
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Arrgh . . . can’t you just tell me?
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Oh my god.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Sorry. I / shouldn’t have said
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    I had my surgery, Niall. Are you happy?
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Um, I mean . . . sort of, or – I meant, I’m happy for
                                    you, because I’m / sure you
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Yes, I can tell my potential dysphoria was on the
                                    top of / your mind
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Do you hate / me
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    No . . . your social ineptitude is kind of / charming
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Really? You don’t think I’m unbearably dumb?
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    No.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Oh, wow. I thought from the moment I brought up
                                    J.K. Rowling, you’d been looking at me with contempt.
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Nope . . . good to know that’s the vibe I give off,
                                    though, / I guess
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Wow, so you’re enjoying our date? Oops, that sounded
                                    really / desperate
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    That was a shockingly direct / question
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Right. Sorry. Maybe we should look at / our menus
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    I’ve had worse . . . dates, I mean.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Really? Oh, so . . . that’s good / then, right
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    I still think your “preferences” indicate a lack of
                                    imagination, on your part.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Oh, um . . .
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    I guess as a cis male, that’s not your / fault, though
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    Maybe you . . . could try the “pegging” thing you
                                    mentioned – I mean, if / you want
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Oh, wow.
 
                                                                        NIALL
                                    I just thought that, since / you brought it up
 
                                                                        JENNA
                                    Right. Let’s see where the evening takes us.
 
Both lift their menus, smiling.
                                                                       

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